I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
