I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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