If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
