it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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