I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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