He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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