yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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