Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
