Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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