What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
