Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
