So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
