I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
