Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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