Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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