he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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