the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
