I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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