So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
