who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize