Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
