when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
