Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
