He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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