I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
