maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
