She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
