you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
