Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
