we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
