left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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