i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's like iHOP with fire
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
