I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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