I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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