im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
