I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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