ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
