my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
