so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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