He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
