You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize