i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
