I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
