You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
