If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
false alarm, still single
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
