I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
