So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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