I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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