Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my phone needs a breathalizer
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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