I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
