So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
