1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
