i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
