I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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