my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
