Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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