I look better un-naked...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
