FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
