New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
