as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
