I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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