idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
