Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
