my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
