I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
