Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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