32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
