I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
