Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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