Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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