bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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