We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
