my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
