I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
