God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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