I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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