yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
