This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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