Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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