perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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