The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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