But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's the barista slut.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
