I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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