This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
