New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize