Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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