This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
