Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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