If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
