I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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