So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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