he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize