My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize
