hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
