I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
