I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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