Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
