Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
