Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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