You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
