what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize