Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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