Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
