is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He kissed a someone with a penis
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
