Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
