I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize