I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
