I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
