i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
