we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
