So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
