seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
